German for Mediating Others' Conflicts: "Let's Hear Both Sides" as a Neutral Third Party
Learn German phrases to stay neutral while helping two other people talk through a conflict: inviting both sides, reflecting each view fairly, and avoiding taking sides.
By PookieFriends & plans · Yapr Learn
When you help two other people who are arguing, you are not resolving your own conflict; you are mediating. That changes the language you need. In German, neutrality is shown with specific phrases: "Ich möchte beide Seiten hören", "Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder", and "Wer möchte anfangen?". This lesson teaches you to invite both perspectives, summarize each side without judging, and keep the conversation balanced. You will also learn how German speakers use the polite Konjunktiv II ("Ich würde vorschlagen …") to make suggestions without sounding like they are taking control. The focus is on spoken, contemporary Standard German, with notes on regional and register differences where they matter.
By the end, you can…
- invite two other people to present their views in turn without taking sides.
- summarize each person's position neutrally using reported speech and fair phrasing.
- make procedural suggestions politely with Konjunktiv II and keep the tone calm.
- recognize and avoid German phrases that accidentally signal bias or blame.
Listen once. Try it slowly. Then say it without looking.
Checking available voices…
Ich möchte beide Seiten hören.
I would like to hear both sides.
ikh MERKH-tuh BUY-duh ZY-tn HUR-en
Use at the start of a mediation to signal that you will not decide before hearing both people. "Möchte" is polite and neutral; "will" (ich will) can sound demanding.
Wer möchte anfangen?
Who would like to start?
vair MERKH-tuh AN-fang-en
An open, neutral way to let the two parties choose who speaks first. It avoids the impression that you are favoring one side by choosing for them.
Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder.
I'll now repeat that back neutrally.
ikh GAY-buh das yets NOY-tral VEE-der-gay-bn
Use before summarizing what someone said. "Neutral wiedergeben" means to reproduce content without adding judgment. This is a key mediator phrase.
Habe ich das so richtig verstanden?
Have I understood that correctly?
HAH-buh ikh das zo RIKH-tikh fair-SHTAN-dn
A checking question that gives the speaker a chance to correct your summary. It shows fairness and reduces misunderstandings.
Ich würde vorschlagen, dass wir erst mal beide Positionen sammeln.
I would suggest that we first collect both positions.
ikh VOOR-duh FOR-shlah-gn, das veer airst mahl BUY-duh po-zi-TSYOH-nen ZAM-eln
Konjunktiv II ("würde") makes the suggestion polite and non-authoritarian. "Erst mal" is conversational and means "first, for now".
Pronunciation guides are approximate. Slow playback keeps the original pitch.
Make it make sense
Useful pattern
To stay neutral, use three patterns: (1) invitations with "möchte": "Wer möchte anfangen?" (Who would like to start?); (2) neutral reporting with "wiedergeben": "Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder" (I'll repeat that back neutrally); and (3) polite suggestions with Konjunktiv II: "Ich würde vorschlagen, dass …" (I would suggest that …). Compare this with resolving your own conflict, where you might say "Ich fühle mich ungerecht behandelt" (I feel treated unfairly). As a third party, you avoid "ich fühle" about yourself and instead reflect others: "Sie sagt, sie fühlt sich übergangen" (She says she feels overlooked). Note that German uses "sie" for both "she" and "they"; context and verb forms clarify. Also, "Seite" is feminine: "beide Seiten" (both sides), "die eine Seite" (one side).
When to use it
Use these phrases when two other people are in conflict and you are not one of the parties. Start with "Ich möchte beide Seiten hören" to set the frame. Then invite one person: "Wer möchte anfangen?" After each statement, summarize: "Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder: Du sagst, dass …" (I'll repeat that back neutrally: You say that …). Check with "Habe ich das so richtig verstanden?" If the tone rises, suggest a structure: "Ich würde vorschlagen, dass wir erst mal beide Positionen sammeln." Avoid "Du hast aber …" (But you have …), which sounds like blame. In formal contexts, such as workplace mediation, use "Sie" and titles: "Frau Weber, möchten Sie anfangen?" In informal settings among friends, "du" is normal. In Austria and parts of southern Germany, "Grüß Gott" may open the conversation; in northern Germany, "Guten Tag" is more common. These greetings do not change the mediation phrases themselves.
Listen to each line, then take one part and reply out loud.
Ich möchte beide Seiten hören. Wer möchte anfangen?
I would like to hear both sides. Who would like to start?ikh MERKH-tuh BUY-duh ZY-tn HUR-en. vair MERKH-tuh AN-fang-enIch fange an. Sie hat mir nicht zugehört, als ich von dem Problem erzählt habe.
I'll start. She didn't listen to me when I talked about the problem.ikh FANG-uh an. zee hat meer nikht TSOO-guh-hurt, als ikh fon dem pro-BLAYM air-TSELT HAH-buhDanke. Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder: Du sagst, dass du dich nicht gehört gefühlt hast. Habe ich das so richtig verstanden?
Thank you. I'll repeat that back neutrally now: You say that you didn't feel heard. Have I understood that correctly?DAN-kuh. ikh GAY-buh das yets NOY-tral VEE-der: doo zahkst, das doo dikh nikht guh-HURT guh-FOOLT hast. HAH-buh ikh das zo RIKH-tikh fair-SHTAN-dnJa, genau. Und ich würde vorschlagen, dass wir jetzt auch ihre Sicht hören.
Yes, exactly. And I would suggest that we now hear her perspective too.yah, guh-NOW. unt ikh VOOR-duh FOR-shlah-gn, das veer yets OUKH EE-ruh zikht HUR-enA little context goes a long way
In German-speaking contexts, neutrality is often signaled by procedural language rather than emotional reassurance. Phrases like "Ich gebe das neutral wieder" and "Habe ich das so richtig verstanden?" sound professional and fair. Using "du" or "Sie" correctly matters: "Sie" with last names is standard in workplace mediation, while "du" is typical among friends and students. Regional greetings vary ("Grüß Gott" in Bavaria and Austria, "Guten Tag" in much of Germany, "Hallo" informally), but the mediation phrases themselves are widely understood in Standard German.
One thing to watch for
Taking sides accidentally by saying "Du hast aber angefangen" (But you started it) or "Das stimmt nicht" (That's not true) while mediating.
Try this instead: Stay neutral by reporting instead of judging: "Du sagst, dass er angefangen hat" (You say that he started) and "Ich habe das unterschiedlich verstanden" (I understood that differently). Use "Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder" before summarizing. This keeps you as a third party rather than a participant.
Your turn
Try answering out loud before checking a possible answer.
1You want to invite both parties to speak without choosing who goes first. What do you say?
Show a sample answer
Wer möchte anfangen?
This open question lets the parties decide and avoids showing preference. "Wer fängt an?" is also possible but can sound more like a demand; "möchte" is politer.
2You are about to summarize one person's view. Which phrase signals that you will stay neutral?
Show a sample answer
Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder.
This explicitly announces a neutral repetition. "Ich fasse das zusammen" (I'll summarize) is also valid, but it does not emphasize neutrality as clearly.
3Make a polite procedural suggestion to collect both positions first. Use Konjunktiv II.
Show a sample answer
Ich würde vorschlagen, dass wir erst mal beide Positionen sammeln.
"Würde vorschlagen" is polite and non-authoritarian. "Ich schlage vor, dass …" is also correct but more direct; in sensitive mediation, the Konjunktiv II version often sounds gentler.
As a third party, your job is to invite both sides, repeat each view neutrally, and check understanding. Use "Wer möchte anfangen?", "Ich gebe das jetzt neutral wieder", and "Ich würde vorschlagen …" to stay fair and calm.
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