Discussing Marriage Plans with Your Partner’s Parents in Mandarin
Learn respectful Mandarin phrases to talk about marriage plans with your partner’s parents, introduce shared intentions, and ask for their thoughts without assuming one family’s customs.
By PookieFriends & plans · Yapr Learn
Talking about marriage with your partner’s parents in Mandarin requires a balance of clarity, respect, and warmth. You are not asking for permission in a legal sense; you are sharing a decision you and your partner have made together and inviting their thoughts. This lesson teaches elementary-level phrases to introduce your shared intention, ask for their perspective, and respond politely. You will practice 我们打算结婚 (we plan to get married) and related patterns that work in many Chinese families. Remember that every family is different: some parents expect a formal request, others prefer a casual conversation. The goal is to communicate honestly and listen respectfully, not to follow a single ritual.
By the end, you can…
- introduce my partner and state that we plan to get married using respectful Mandarin.
- ask a partner’s parents for their thoughts and respond politely to their questions.
Listen once. Try it slowly. Then say it without looking.
Checking available voices…
我们打算结婚。
We plan to get married.
Wǒmen dǎsuàn jiéhūn.
A clear, neutral way to state your shared intention. Use 我们 (we) to show it is a joint decision.
我想和您商量一下。
I’d like to discuss it with you.
Wǒ xiǎng hé nín shāngliang yíxià.
Use 您 (respectful singular) when addressing one parent, or 您二位 (you two) for both. 商量 implies consulting, not just informing.
您觉得怎么样？
What do you think?
Nín juéde zěnmeyàng?
A polite, open question that invites their opinion without pressuring them. Use 您二位觉得怎么样？ for both parents.
我们想听听您二位的意见。
We’d like to hear your opinions.
Wǒmen xiǎng tīngting nín èrwèi de yìjiàn.
Shows respect for their perspective. 意见 here means views or advice, not criticism.
谢谢您二位的理解和支持。
Thank you both for your understanding and support.
Xièxie nín èrwèi de lǐjiě hé zhīchí.
A warm closing after they respond. Use it whether they agree immediately or need time.
Pronunciation guides are approximate. Slow playback keeps the original pitch.
Make it make sense
Useful pattern
The pattern 我们打算 + verb means “we plan to …” and presents the decision as shared. For example, 我们打算结婚 (we plan to get married) and 我们打算明年办婚礼 (we plan to hold the wedding next year). To ask for someone’s opinion politely, use 您觉得怎么样？ (What do you think?) for one person, or 您二位觉得怎么样？ for both parents. Another useful pattern is 我们想听听您二位的意见 (We’d like to hear your opinions). Notice that 您 is the respectful form of 你. For two people, 您二位 is the standard respectful form; 您们 is sometimes used but is not fully accepted by all speakers. These patterns keep the tone respectful without being stiff.
When to use it
Use these phrases in a calm, private setting, such as over tea at home or during a meal. Start with 我们打算结婚 to state your intention clearly, then pause. If they look surprised, add 我们想和您商量一下 (We’d like to discuss it with you). Ask 您二位觉得怎么样？ to invite their thoughts. If they ask about timing or living arrangements, answer honestly but avoid over-promising. For example, 我们还在计划 (We’re still planning) is fine. If they need time, say 我们理解，您可以慢慢考虑 (We understand, you can take your time). This shows respect without giving up your shared decision.
Listen to each line, then take one part and reply out loud.
叔叔，阿姨，我们打算结婚。
Uncle, Auntie, we plan to get married.Shūshu, āyí, wǒmen dǎsuàn jiéhūn.哦，这是大事。你们想好了吗？
Oh, this is a big matter. Have you two thought it through?O, zhè shì dàshì. Nǐmen xiǎnghǎo le ma?想好了。我们想听听您二位的意见。
Yes, we have. We’d like to hear your opinions.Xiǎnghǎo le. Wǒmen xiǎng tīngting nín èrwèi de yìjiàn.好，我们支持你们。
Good, we support you.Hǎo, wǒmen zhīchí nǐmen.A little context goes a long way
In many Chinese families, marriage involves both partners and their families, but customs vary widely. Some parents expect a formal discussion, while others prefer a casual chat. Using 您 and 您二位 shows respect, but over-formality can feel distant. An elder may address you as 你 while you continue to use 您; respectful address does not have to be symmetrical. Follow the relationship and any explicit preference they express. The phrase 我们打算结婚 emphasizes your shared decision; it does not mean you are asking for permission. Be prepared for questions about work, housing, or timing, and answer honestly. If they need time, respect that. There is no single correct script.
One thing to watch for
Using 我要结婚 (I want to get married) instead of 我们打算结婚 (We plan to get married).
Try this instead: 我要结婚 can sound like you are announcing a personal decision and may imply your partner is not part of the planning. Use 我们打算结婚 to show it is a joint intention. For example, say 我们打算结婚，想和您商量一下 (We plan to get married and would like to discuss it with you).
Your turn
Try answering out loud before checking a possible answer.
1How would you tell your partner’s parents that you two plan to get married?
Show a sample answer
我们打算结婚。
This uses 我们 (we) and 打算 (plan) to present the decision as shared. You could also say 我们准备结婚, which is equally acceptable.
2What polite phrase asks both parents for their opinion?
Show a sample answer
您二位觉得怎么样？
您二位 politely addresses both parents. 您 alone addresses one person. This asks for their opinion without implying that every family expects the same response.
3How do you say ‘We’d like to hear your opinions’ respectfully?
Show a sample answer
我们想听听您二位的意见。
听听 softens the request, and 您二位的意见 means ‘your (two people’s) opinions’. You could also say 我们想听听您二位的想法, which is equally polite.
State your shared plan with 我们打算结婚, ask for their thoughts with 您二位觉得怎么样, and thank them for their support. Respect their pace and avoid treating the conversation as a formal permission request.
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