Japanese for Mediating Others' Conflicts: 'Let's Hear Both Sides'
Learn intermediate Japanese phrases for staying neutral as a third party when two other people disagree, including how to invite both sides to speak without taking sides.
By PookieFriends & plans · Yapr Learn
When two other people are in conflict, your role is different from resolving your own argument. You are not a judge and not a participant; you are a facilitator. In Japanese, this third-party stance is often expressed with careful hedging, inclusive invitations, and neutral framing. This lesson teaches phrases such as 双方の話を聞きましょう (sōhō no hanashi o kikimashō) and どちらの言い分も聞きたいです (dochira no iibun mo kikitai desu). You will practice keeping your own opinion out of the conversation while helping each person feel heard. The focus is on spoken, polite Japanese suitable for workplace, school, or community settings, not on legal mediation.
By the end, you can…
- invite two other people to each explain their side without implying blame.
- use neutral Japanese phrases to show I am not taking sides.
- ask clarifying questions that keep both parties talking rather than escalating.
Listen once. Try it slowly. Then say it without looking.
Checking available voices…
双方の話を聞きましょう。
Let's hear both sides.
Sōhō no hanashi o kikimashō.
A neutral, inclusive suggestion. 双方 (sōhō) means 'both sides' and is common in formal or semi-formal mediation.
どちらの言い分も聞きたいです。
I want to hear both people's accounts.
Dochira no iibun mo kikitai desu.
言い分 (iibun) means 'one's side of the story' or 'claim.' Using も (mo) with both sides signals neutrality.
まず、Aさんから話してもらえますか。
First, could we have A-san speak?
Mazu, A-san kara hanashite moraemasu ka.
A polite request that gives one person the floor first. Replace A-san with the actual name or role.
私はどちらかの味方をするつもりはありません。
I don't intend to take either side.
Watashi wa dochira ka no mikata o suru tsumori wa arimasen.
Explicitly states your neutral position. 味方をする (mikata o suru) means 'to take someone's side.'
もう少し詳しく教えてもらえますか。
Could you tell me a little more about that?
Mō sukoshi kuwashiku oshiete moraemasu ka.
A gentle clarifying question that does not challenge either person's account.
Pronunciation guides are approximate. Slow playback keeps the original pitch.
Make it make sense
Useful pattern
To stay neutral, use も (mo) instead of は (wa) when mentioning both parties. は can imply contrast or exclusion, while も adds both sides equally. Compare 相手の話は聞きました (I heard the other side) with 双方の話も聞きました (I heard both sides too). Another useful pattern is 〜てもらえますか (〜te moraemasu ka), which asks someone to do something for the group without commanding them. For example, 順番に話してもらえますか (junban ni hanashite moraemasu ka) means 'Could you speak in turn?' This keeps the request polite and shared.
When to use it
Use these phrases when you are a third party, not a disputant. In a workplace, a team leader might say まず、お互いの話を聞きましょう (mazu, otagai no hanashi o kikimashō) to start a discussion. In a friend group, どっちの話も聞くよ (dotchi no hanashi mo kiku yo) is a casual version. Avoid saying あなたが悪い (anata ga warui) or 私もそう思う (watashi mo sō omou), because both take a side. If you need to summarize, use neutral framing: 一方では〜と言っています (ippō de wa 〜 to itte imasu, 'On one hand, they say...'). This shows you are reporting, not judging.
Listen to each line, then take one part and reply out loud.
お二人とも、少し落ち着いて話せますか。まず、双方の話を聞きましょう。
Could you both calm down a little and talk? First, let's hear both sides.O-futari tomo, sukoshi ochitsuite hanasemasu ka. Mazu, sōhō no hanashi o kikimashō.はい。では、私から話してもいいですか。
Yes. Then, may I speak first?Hai. Dewa, watashi kara hanashite mo ii desu ka.もちろんです。私はどちらかの味方をするつもりはありません。順番に聞きますね。
Of course. I don't intend to take either side. I'll listen in turn.Mochiron desu. Watashi wa dochira ka no mikata o suru tsumori wa arimasen. Junban ni kikimasu ne.ありがとうございます。実は、先週の件について少し誤解があって…。
Thank you. Actually, there was a small misunderstanding about last week's matter...Arigatō gozaimasu. Jitsu wa, senshū no ken ni tsuite sukoshi gokai ga atte...A little context goes a long way
In Japanese mediation, direct accusations are often softened with 少し (sukoshi, 'a little') or 〜かもしれません (〜kamoshiremasen, 'might be'). A neutral third party may also use 確認ですが (kakunin desu ga, 'just to confirm') before restating a point. Politeness level matters: in business settings, use です・ます forms and avoid casual だ・よ endings. Silence is also acceptable; it gives both parties time to think without pressure.
One thing to watch for
Saying 私はAさんの意見に賛成です (Watashi wa A-san no iken ni sansei desu, 'I agree with A's opinion') to show support.
Try this instead: This takes a side and can make the other person feel dismissed. Instead, use neutral acknowledgment: なるほど、そういう考え方もあるんですね (Naruhodo, sō iu kangaekata mo aru n desu ne, 'I see, that's one way of thinking too'). This validates without agreeing.
Your turn
Try answering out loud before checking a possible answer.
1How would you invite both parties to speak in turn, using a polite request?
Show a sample answer
順番に話してもらえますか。
This uses 〜てもらえますか to ask politely for a shared action. 順番に (junban ni) means 'in turn.' A valid alternative is 順番に話しましょうか (junban ni hanashimashō ka), which is slightly more inclusive.
2Translate into neutral Japanese: 'I want to hear both sides.'
Show a sample answer
双方の話を聞きたいです。
双方 (sōhō) is a neutral term for 'both sides.' Using を聞きたいです expresses your desire without blaming anyone. 両方の話を聞きたいです (ryōhō no hanashi o kikitai desu) is also acceptable.
3What should you avoid saying when you are a third party, and why?
Show a sample answer
Avoid あなたが悪い (anata ga warui, 'you are wrong') because it judges one side.
Judging breaks neutrality. Instead, ask もう少し詳しく教えてもらえますか (mō sukoshi kuwashiku oshiete moraemasu ka) to gather information without assigning blame.
As a third party, your job is to open space for both voices, not to decide who is right. Use 双方 (sōhō), も (mo), and polite requests like 〜てもらえますか to stay neutral and keep the conversation moving.
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