How to Say How You're Doing in Italian (and Ask Back)
Learn casual Italian answers to 'Come stai?' beyond 'sto bene', such as 'Abbastanza bene, grazie!' and 'Un po' stanco oggi', and how to return the question naturally.
By PookieFriends & plans · Yapr Learn
When an Italian friend asks 'Come stai?', answering only 'Bene' can sound abrupt. In everyday conversation, people usually add a short comment and then ask the question back. This lesson gives you several natural, informal replies for different moods, shows you how to return the question, and explains why these casual forms differ from formal ones. You will practise complete mini-exchanges, not isolated words, so you can take part in a real greeting.
By the end, you can…
- give several informal answers to 'Come stai?' instead of only 'Bene'.
- return the question with 'E tu?' or 'Tu come stai?'.
- recognise when to use informal 'tu' rather than formal 'Lei'.
Listen once. Try it slowly. Then say it without looking.
Checking available voices…
Abbastanza bene, grazie!
Pretty good, thanks!
ahb-bah-STAHN-tsah BEH-neh, GRAH-tsyeh
A relaxed, positive answer. 'Abbastanza' softens the reply, so it does not sound over-enthusiastic.
Tutto bene, grazie.
All good, thanks.
TOOT-toh BEH-neh, GRAH-tsyeh
Very common and friendly. It works in casual chats and is also acceptable in neutral situations.
Un po' stanco oggi.
A bit tired today.
oon poh STAHN-koh OHD-joh
Said by a male speaker. A female speaker says 'Un po' stanca oggi'.
Non c'è male.
Not bad.
nohn cheh MAH-leh
A modest, understated answer. It is common when things are fine but you do not want to sound too positive.
E tu?
And you?
eh TOO
The standard informal way to return the question. Use 'E Lei?' in formal situations.
Pronunciation guides are approximate. Slow playback keeps the original pitch.
Make it make sense
Useful pattern
Most casual answers follow a simple pattern: a short state plus 'grazie'. For example, 'Abbastanza bene, grazie!' or 'Tutto bene, grazie.' If the state is negative, Italians often add a time word: 'Un po' stanco oggi', 'Un po' stanca oggi', 'Non c'è male oggi'. After your answer, return the question with 'E tu?' or the fuller 'Tu come stai?'. The subject pronoun 'tu' is optional because the verb ending already shows who is speaking, but it adds emphasis.
When to use it
Use these forms with friends, classmates, relatives, and people your own age. 'Come stai?' itself is informal. With a stranger, an older person, a teacher, or someone in a service role, use the formal 'Come sta?' and answer with 'Sto bene, grazie. E Lei?'. Do not mix the two: 'Come stai? E Lei?' sounds inconsistent. If you are unsure, start formal and wait for the other person to invite 'diamoci del tu'.
Listen to each line, then take one part and reply out loud.
Ciao Marco! Come stai?
Hi Marco! How are you?CHAH-oh MAR-koh! KOH-meh STAH-eeAbbastanza bene, grazie. Un po' stanco oggi. E tu?
Pretty good, thanks. A bit tired today. And you?ahb-bah-STAHN-tsah BEH-neh, GRAH-tsyeh. oon poh STAHN-koh OHD-joh. eh TOOTutto bene, grazie! Sono contenta di vederti.
All good, thanks! I'm happy to see you.TOOT-toh BEH-neh, GRAH-tsyeh! SOH-noh kohn-TEN-tah dee veh-DEHR-teeAnch'io! Ci vediamo dopo.
Me too! See you later.ahn-KEE-oh! chee veh-DYAH-moh DOH-pohA little context goes a long way
Informal Italian greetings often include a brief honest comment about your state, so 'Un po' stanco' is normal and not rude. Formal speech uses 'Come sta?' and 'E Lei?', and people may address you with 'Lei' until they suggest using 'tu'. Regional habits vary: in the south, greetings can be warmer and longer, while northern cities may keep them shorter.
One thing to watch for
Answering only 'Bene' and stopping, or using 'Come stai?' with a stranger.
Try this instead: Add a short comment and return the question: 'Abbastanza bene, grazie. E tu?' With a stranger or older person, use the formal 'Come sta?' and answer 'Sto bene, grazie. E Lei?'.
Your turn
Try answering out loud before checking a possible answer.
1A friend asks 'Come stai?' You feel pretty good. Give a casual answer and return the question.
Show a sample answer
Abbastanza bene, grazie! E tu?
This adds a soft positive comment and returns the question with the informal 'E tu?'. 'Tutto bene, grazie. E tu?' is also correct.
2You are a female speaker and feel a bit tired today. What do you say?
Show a sample answer
Un po' stanca oggi.
The adjective agrees with the speaker: 'stanca' for a female speaker, 'stanco' for a male speaker. The time word 'oggi' makes the comment specific.
3You are talking to an older person you do not know. Which question do you use, and how do you return it?
Show a sample answer
Come sta? ... E Lei?
Formal Italian uses 'Come sta?' and 'E Lei?'. The informal 'Come stai? E tu?' would be too familiar with a stranger or older person.
Answer 'Come stai?' with a short state plus 'grazie', then return it with 'E tu?' in informal situations or 'E Lei?' in formal ones.
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