Make polite and casual requests in Italian
Learn how to make the same request in Italian to a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger by choosing the right verb form, pronoun, and softening phrase.
By LiamCulture & nuance · Yapr Learn
In Italian, the same request can sound casual, neutral, or formal depending on the verb form and pronouns you choose. The core meaning stays similar, but the social message changes. For example, asking a friend to lend you a pen is usually 'Mi presti una penna?' with the informal tu. Asking a stranger is more often 'Mi potrebbe prestare una penna?' with the formal Lei and a conditional verb. This lesson teaches you how to move between those versions without sounding either stiff or presumptuous.
By the end, you can…
- choose between informal tu and formal Lei for a request.
- soften a request with the conditional or a polite formula.
- adjust a request for a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger in standard Italian.
Listen once. Try it slowly. Then say it without looking.
Checking available voices…
Mi presti una penna?
Can you lend me a pen?
mee PRES-tee OO-na PEN-na
Informal singular tu, used with a friend, family member, or peer you already address as tu.
Mi puoi prestare una penna?
Can you lend me a pen?
mee PWOY pres-TA-reh OO-na PEN-na
Still informal, but the modal puoi plus infinitive can feel slightly softer than the direct present tense.
Mi potrebbe prestare una penna?
Could you lend me a pen?
mee po-TREB-beh pres-TA-reh OO-na PEN-na
Formal singular Lei with the conditional. Common with strangers, older people, or service encounters.
Le dispiace se apro la finestra?
Do you mind if I open the window?
leh dee-SPYA-cheh seh A-proh lah fee-NES-trah
Formal Lei. The third-person singular verb apro is correct with Lei, not first-person apro.
Ti dispiace se mi siedo qui?
Do you mind if I sit here?
tee dee-SPYA-cheh seh mee SYEH-doh kwee
Informal tu. Appropriate with a friend or someone you already know well.
Scusi, mi sa dire dov'è la stazione?
Excuse me, can you tell me where the station is?
SKOO-zee, mee sah DEE-reh doh-VEH lah sta-TSYOH-neh
Formal Lei. Scusi is the formal 'excuse me'; scusa is the informal version.
Pronunciation guides are approximate. Slow playback keeps the original pitch.
Make it make sense
Useful pattern
A practical pattern is: informal request = present tense or puoi + infinitive, with ti and direct address. Formal request = conditional or potrebbe + infinitive, with Le and third-person singular verbs. Compare 'Mi presti una penna?' with 'Mi potrebbe prestare una penna?'. The request is the same, but the second version creates social distance and sounds more cautious. You can also use 'Vorrei...' for both registers: 'Vorrei un caffè' works in a bar with a stranger, while 'Vorrei chiederti una cosa' works with a friend because chiederti is informal.
When to use it
Use informal tu with friends, close colleagues, relatives, and people who have invited you to use their first name and tu. Use formal Lei with strangers, shop assistants, officials, doctors, and anyone significantly older unless they invite you to switch. In a shop, 'Mi può aiutare?' is standard; with a friend, 'Mi puoi aiutare?' is normal. In the negative, 'Non puoi aiutarmi?' can sound pressing, while 'Non potrebbe aiutarmi?' is more polite. Neither form is automatically rude; tone, context, and relationship decide.
Listen to each line, then take one part and reply out loud.
Scusa, mi presti la tua penna per un secondo?
Sorry, can you lend me your pen for a second?SKOO-zah, mee PRES-tee lah TOO-ah PEN-na per oon se-KON-dohCerto, tieni. Ma me la ridai subito?
Sure, here you go. But will you give it back to me right away?CHER-toh, TYEH-nee. mah meh lah ree-DAH-ee SOO-bee-tohSì, grazie. E poi ti dispiace se mi siedo qui con te?
Yes, thanks. And then do you mind if I sit here with you?see, GRAT-tsyeh. eh poy tee dee-SPYA-cheh seh mee SYEH-doh kwee kon tehNo, fai pure. Sei tu che studi italiano?
No, go ahead. Are you the one studying Italian?noh, fahy POO-reh. say too keh STOO-dee ee-ta-LYAH-nohSì, sto imparando. Scusi, lei è il professore?
Yes, I'm learning. Excuse me, are you the professor?see, stoh eem-pa-RAN-doh. SKOO-zee, lay eh eel pro-fes-SOH-rehNo, sono uno studente come te. Con il professore devi usare il Lei.
No, I'm a student like you. With the professor you have to use the formal Lei.noh, SOH-noh OO-noh stoo-DEN-teh KOH-meh teh. kon eel pro-fes-SOH-reh DEH-vee oo-ZAH-reh eel layA little context goes a long way
Register in Italian is not only about grammar; it also depends on region, age, and setting. In many northern and central contexts, colleagues may switch to tu quickly, while in some southern contexts or formal workplaces, Lei may last longer. When unsure, start with Lei and follow the other person's lead if they invite you to use tu.
One thing to watch for
Using the informal tu with a stranger because the request feels small: 'Mi presti una penna?' to a person you do not know.
Try this instead: Use the formal Lei with a stranger: 'Mi potrebbe prestare una penna?' or 'Mi può prestare una penna?'. The informal form is not rude in itself, but it can sound too familiar before the relationship allows it.
Your turn
Try answering out loud before checking a possible answer.
1You are asking a friend to lend you a phone charger. Which form is more appropriate: 'Mi presti il caricabatterie?' or 'Mi potrebbe prestare il caricabatterie?'
Show a sample answer
Mi presti il caricabatterie?
With a friend, the informal tu with presti is natural. The formal version is grammatically correct but creates unnecessary distance; it could be used jokingly or in a very formal relationship.
2You are in a pharmacy and want to ask the pharmacist to repeat something. Give a formal request.
Show a sample answer
Scusi, potrebbe ripetere, per favore?
Scusi and potrebbe are formal Lei forms. 'Può ripetere, per favore?' is also correct and slightly more direct; both are acceptable in a service encounter.
3A new colleague says 'Diamoci del tu'. What changes in your requests?
Show a sample answer
You can switch from Lei to tu, so 'Mi puoi aiutare?' becomes appropriate instead of 'Mi potrebbe aiutare?'.
'Diamoci del tu' is an invitation to use informal address. You may still choose polite formulas like 'per favore' or 'ti dispiace se...'; register is a scale, not a single switch.
Match the verb form and pronoun to the relationship: tu for friends and peers, Lei for strangers and formal contexts. When in doubt, start with Lei and adjust if the other person invites you to use tu.
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